When She Earns More: Why Some Marriages Crack — and How Others Adapt

The original story by Josie Cox for Business Insider.

Kim Dhatt thought a few promotions would mean nicer dinners and a splashy vacation. Instead, her tripled salary lit a fuse. Her partner’s identity was welded to being the higher earner; as her paycheck grew, so did fights over money, status, and who picked up the tab. The relationship didn’t survive.

Dhatt’s story taps a stubborn pattern: in many heterosexual marriages, when the woman outearns the man, the risk of turmoil — and divorce — rises.

The pattern, in brief

• Studies consistently find more strain when wives out-earn husbands. A 2013 US survey of 4,000 couples found both spouses were 6% less likely to report a “very happy” marriage once the wife earned more, and they were more likely to discuss separating.
• Career leaps can carry personal costs: a Swedish study found women promoted to CEO were twice as likely to be divorced within three years; similar effects show up for women elected to public office.
• There are darker edges: an Australian study (2023) linked women outearning male partners to higher risks of physical and emotional abuse — evidence that violating old gender norms can trigger backlash.

Meanwhile, marriages that mirror the traditional “he earns more” model still show the lowest divorce risk, especially when the income gap is large. That sticks out in an era where women hold more managerial roles and narrow the pay gap.

Therapists and coaches point to scripts learned early: men’s worth tied to “protect and provide,” women expected to smooth domestic life. When those roles flip, some men feel threatened or diminished; resentment brews. And even when women bring home more, they still tend to shoulder more housework and caregiving, which breeds its own friction.

“Beliefs don’t change as fast as paychecks,” as one executive coach puts it.

A few women describe partners who felt “emasculated,” slid into depression, then anger. Others recount smaller humiliations — like being asked to hand over a credit card so he could “look” like he paid.

Plenty make it work. Couples who treat income as “one pot,” talk openly about expectations, and rebalance chores tend to fare better. Some men say pride outweighs jealousy; the paycheck pendulum can swing both ways over a lifetime. Communication — about money, time, and what counts as success — matters more than who earns what.

Gen Z’s willingness to question old rules may help. Public examples of couples splitting roles — she earns, he handles more at home — are nudging norms along, slowly.

Money isn’t just math; it’s meaning. If incomes flip, the fix isn’t to hide success — it’s to rewrite the script together: who does what, how bills are paid, and how both partners get respect, care, and time. Stop asking “Who’s the breadwinner?” and start asking “How do we win as a team?”